撕破脸皮的故事The story of tearing the skin

1989 should be the first year of my oil painting. The printmaking department just graduated to catch up with the national art exhibition. At that time, the national art exhibition was a top priority for the provincial art associations. I remember that Yang Xiaoyan specially organized a group of people to focus on creation in Guangzhou. I painted the first oil painting sound in my life (this painting was seriously moldy and burned by me later).

《音响》145x110cm 1989

为了保险，创作团体解散后回到讲师团我教书的学校梅州师范又画了一张《最后的柑子》，这张画入选了，当时可以说是“喜闻乐见、大快人心、普天同庆、奔走相告”，是的，全国美展很难……

For insurance, after the creative group was dissolved and returned to the lecturer group, Meizhou normal school, the school where I teach, drew another picture of the last orange. This picture was selected. At that time, it could be said that it was "loved, happy, celebrated and told". Yes, it was difficult for the National Art Exhibition

《最后的柑子》145x145cm 1989

这两张画基本延续了我版画技法课作业的风格，有那么点超现实，但基本上属于用油画颜料画彩色素描，表面不那么像我心目中的油画，严重不满意。

These two paintings basically continue the style of my printmaking skills class homework, which is a little surreal, but they basically belong to painting color sketch with oil paint. The surface is not so like the oil painting in my mind, so I am seriously dissatisfied.

大学铜板石板技法作业 1985-1986

于是我决定放弃这种纯想象的内容，画了十年的日常景物和人物，传统油画里有的材质都要画一遍，十年后的1999年又是全国美展，我用我这十年里积累的洪荒之力画了这么张《午夜的街》，非常像油画了，当然又入选了，虽然风格严重反转。画完这张画以后，我就觉得够了，这样的画不用再继续画下去了，还是那句话：才高八斗，会了就扔。

So I decided to give up this pure imagination and paint the daily scenery and characters for ten years. Some materials in traditional oil paintings should be painted once. Ten years later, in 1999, there was a national art exhibition. I painted such a midnight street with the strength I accumulated in the past ten years. It was not often like an oil painting. Of course, it was selected again, although the style was seriously reversed. After painting this picture, I think it's enough. There's no need to continue painting such a picture. It's still the same sentence: you're talented and throw it away when you know it.

《午夜的街》175x120cm 1999

2000年广东美术馆给我举办了个展并收藏了这张画，我开始试着画画其他内容，我平日一直偶尔听听《新概念英语》（我们广美英语课用的课本，因为整体英语水平太差），第三册第一课有篇叫A Puma at large，逃遁的山狮，里面有一句：and experts confirmed that a puma will not attack a human being unless it is cornered. 专家证实美洲狮不会攻击人类除非它被逼入绝境。corner是角落的的意思，cornered就是走投无路，这个词我喜欢，我严重知道当一个东西真正走投无路时是样子，触目惊心。

In 2000, Guangdong Art Museum held a solo exhibition for me and collected this painting. I began to try to draw other contents. I always occasionally listen to new concept English (the textbook we use in Guangmei English class because the overall English level is too poor). In volume 3, lesson 1, there is an article called a puma at large, a mountain lion running away, And experts confirmed that a puma will not attack a human being being unless it is cornered. Corner means corner. Cornered means desperate. I like the word. I seriously know what it looks like when a thing is really desperate. It's shocking.

水房 57x73cm 1991

这大概是我画的唯一一张刚工作时宿舍院子里的风景，我在广州中山医的宿舍是一楼，门外是个大空场，我住在左边那颗木麻黄树背后，画的对面是研究生和单身教师宿舍，背面是本科生宿舍，画里这俩烟囱下面是公共开水房，水房隔壁的门是公共厕所，有些学生从食堂打完饭回来吃，吃剩的饭菜都倒在厕所的一个大潲水桶里，所以，老鼠泛滥成灾。

你们大概没见过广州的老鼠有多大，我一直在分析为什么他们能长那么大，食物丰富的时候同样的基因在几代内就可以进化出超大的体型，大概更大的体型能增加个体在当世的生存几率，而更小的体型能增加种群的繁衍率吧，所以广东人也说广东的老鼠跟荔枝一样也分大小年，我这院子里的老鼠大中小都有，我记得有一段时间我最大的消遣就是晚上用气枪打老鼠，经常早上起来院子里十几只死老鼠（气枪打老鼠如果打在身上都不会当场死，都会跑一段死在各种犄角旮旯，但不知道为什么院子里的猫会把死老鼠从各种角落拖出来，跟打扫卫生一样。）

而我印象最深的是我宿舍旁边的一条半米多宽十米多深的死胡同，最里面有一个极大的老鼠洞，我知道里面住着一只巨型的老鼠，毛色如棕色的猪一般，我的气枪又被人借走了，于是我就出去买了一个特大号的锯齿型的老鼠夹，跟夹狼的同款，用实心铜电线把老鼠夹绑死在窗鈎上放在那个大洞口前，只要进出必须碰到机关，半夜弄完睡觉，第二天一大早我被窗外剧烈的挣扎声吵醒，我想也没想从门后抄起一根长棍就冲了出去，那是我见过的最大的老鼠，两只前爪被牢牢夹住，正在拼命的咬那根电线，当我们大眼瞪小眼四目相对的时候，它的毛我的毛都立起来了，它开始奋力的往高处跳，这条死胡同的出路只有我这边，标准的cornered——走投无路，我们俩都别无选择，我必须打死它，它必须负隅顽抗既是有一线希望，我估计战场上拼刺刀的人跟我俩的生理反应一样，血脉喷张，我抡起棍子就打，它在明白走投无路的时候，直接带着夹子往我脸上冲，它的后腿强劲有力，加上肾上腺素马力全开，我其实跟它一样恐惧，一样大量的分泌肾上腺素，恐惧和肾上腺素引来疯狂，我高喊着疯狂的劈头盖脸打了几十棍子，一直打到满墙满地是血……

这种情绪以后我再也没经历过，这跟打架斗殴不一样，这是在法律控制之外的一边倒的谋杀，我完全强势，它竭尽所能的想恐吓我，吓退我哪怕根本没有希望。

于是在2000年，我自己拍了这么张照片对着画了这么张画。

This is probably the only picture I painted in the dormitory yard when I was just working. My dormitory in Zhongshan Medical College in Guangzhou is on the first floor, and there is a big empty field outside. I live behind the Casuarina equisetifolia tree on the left. The opposite side of the picture is the dormitory of graduate students and single teachers, and the back is the dormitory of undergraduate students. Under the two chimneys in the picture is the public boiled water room, and the door next to the water room is the public toilet, Some students came back from the canteen to eat, and the leftover food was poured into a large hogwash bucket in the toilet. Therefore, rats were rampant.

You probably haven't seen how big the mice in Guangzhou are. I've been analyzing why they can grow so big. When food is rich, the same gene can evolve into a super large size in a few generations. Maybe a larger size can increase the survival probability of individuals in the world, and a smaller size can increase the reproduction rate of the population, Therefore, Cantonese also say that mice in Guangdong are the same as litchi. There are mice in my yard, large, small and medium. I remember that for a period of time, my biggest pastime was beating mice with an air gun at night. I often get up in the morning and there are more than a dozen dead mice in the yard (if you hit a mouse with an air gun, you won't die on the spot. You will run and die in all kinds of corners, but I don't know why the cats in the yard drag the dead mouse out of all kinds of corners, just like cleaning.)

What impressed me most was a dead end more than half a meter wide and more than ten meters deep next to my dormitory. There was a huge mouse hole inside. I knew that there lived a huge mouse with brown hair like a pig. My air gun was borrowed again, so I went out and bought an oversized serrated mouse clip, the same type as the one used to clip wolves. I used solid copper wires to trap the mouse The clip was tied to the window hook and placed in front of the big hole. As long as I had to touch the mechanism in and out, I slept in the middle of the night. Early the next morning, I was awakened by the fierce struggle outside the window. I didn't think I wanted to pick up a long stick from behind the door and rushed out. It was the largest mouse I had ever seen. Its two front paws were firmly clamped and was desperately biting the wire. When we stared at each other At the opposite time, its hair and my hair stood up, and it began to jump up. The only way out of this dead end is on my side. The standard cornered - there is no way out. We both have no choice. I have to kill it. It has to fight tenaciously. Since there is a glimmer of hope, I guess the bayonet fighter on the battlefield has the same physiological reaction as us. His blood is bleeding and I swing When he knew there was no way out, he rushed directly into my face with a clip. His hind legs were strong and powerful, and his adrenaline horsepower was fully open. In fact, I was as scared as him and secreted a lot of adrenaline. Fear and adrenaline attracted madness. I shouted madly and hit dozens of sticks until the wall was covered with blood

I have never experienced this emotion since. It is different from fighting. It is a one-sided murder outside the control of the law. I am completely strong. It tries its best to intimidate me and scare me away, even if there is no hope at all.

So in 2000, I took such a picture and drew such a picture in front of me.

无题 145x110cm 2000

这大概就是那只被逼到墙角的老鼠，广东美术馆的个展也收录了这张画，这张画的反应很复杂，成年人大都很疑惑，你不可能对着这样的一幅画无动于衷，但小孩子都对这张画非常单纯的有兴致，就是喜欢，然后……

这张画在我的每次个展上几乎都会出现，因为它是完全不会卖掉的一张画，又然后，20年过去了，我开始在Instagram上发布以前的作品，然后，我发现莫名其妙的开始涨粉，然后我搜索我的名字，发现这张画铺天盖地的……

先是很多艺术账号发出来的，有的几年前（我过去的合作画廊Art Scene China艺术景画廊一直有我的网站，挂着几乎全部2009年之前的画），有的是不久前。

This is probably the mouse forced to the corner. The solo exhibition of Guangdong Art Museum also included this picture. The reaction of this picture is very complex. Most adults are very confused. You can't be indifferent to such a picture, but children are very interested in this picture. They just like it, and then

This painting will appear almost every time in my solo exhibition, because it is a painting that will not be sold at all. Then, 20 years later, I began to publish my previous works on instagram. Then, I found that it began to grow in popularity inexplicably. Then I searched my name and found that this painting was overwhelming

First, many art accounts were sent out, some a few years ago (my past cooperative gallery art scene China art scene Gallery has always had my website with almost all the paintings before 2009), and some not long ago.

这账号叫前卫艺术（我最讨厌的词），走投无路的点赞数完胜日本圆点老太太，朕很欣慰

然后，有粉丝@我说德鲁·巴里摩尔 Drew Barrymore发了条帖子用了这张画，我很兴奋的上去一看哇靠！！！差不多十七万赞

德鲁·巴里摩尔 Drew Barrymore就是ET里那个小姑娘长这样

长大了这样

当然她没@我，所以那十七万赞跟我没关系

再然后，一个粉丝举报一个摇滚乐队用这张画印在帽衫上买，就是他们，好像很出名。

然后中间这主音吉他小尖孙（据说有四分之一的中国血统）主动私信我要邮件，道歉说并不知道这张画是我的，问我需要付多少钱，我说不用，注明出处即可，然后他就在乐队和自己的官号发了这么条帖子号召粉丝关注我。

然后我就大量涨粉，然后Instagram就莫名其妙的把那个号封了，美国人很孙子，不能让你们丫做大做强。

然后我又弄了个新号，故事还没完，这张画开始有各种衍生物。

有临摹的

有再创作的（因为老号被删很多非常不错的找不到了）

还有做滑板做衣服的

举报私信

甚至有纹身的

高潮是一个美国有线节目叫Saturday night Live的主持人John Krasinski在节目里挂了这么张仿制品，于是各种口诛笔伐就来了。有些艺术大号甚至专门发帖声讨，可但是但可是，他们干脆不理，天下剽客一般黑。

下面是我刚知道时候的回复，那粉丝只是以为是我画的让他们@我。

这是一个大号的声讨檄文，全篇就不贴了

最后

你永远不知道哪个雷最后响了，其实一个画家一辈子响一个雷就可以不用干了，但大多数喜欢这张画的人是以另外一个心态看这张画的，他们大都是想起了自己在某一刻的心情，画这张画之前还画了两张小草图，1999年，很小24x30cm

另外次年还画了两张类似的，这两张画同样在Instagram上非常火爆

我不知道这些人喜欢这几张画的真正潜意识，他们究竟在想什么，他们并不知道呢我跟那只老鼠的惨烈故事，这张画如果我自己用一句话解释，就是：当你只能以伤害自己的方式保全自己的时候。

I don't know the real subconscious of these people who like these paintings. What are they thinking? They don't know. The tragic story between me and the mouse, if I explain this painting in one sentence, is: when you can only save yourself by hurting yourself.

死老鼠水彩写生

这并不是当年跟我英勇战斗光荣就义那只硕鼠，那只比这大几十倍，这是十年前误入我家被歪妞咬死的一只小家鼠。

This is not the big rat who fought bravely and died honorably with me. It is dozens of times bigger than this. This is a little rat who accidentally entered my house and was bitten to death by crooked girl ten years ago.